It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
