It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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