i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
