He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
