Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
