Pappa wants mamma naked
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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