i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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