there was a trapeze. enough said
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year