I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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