my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.