I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it