Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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