My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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