Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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