My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
