Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
