you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
