Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
