clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You ruined the universe
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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