All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize