So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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