So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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