Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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