Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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