As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
