So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
