When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
