no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I checked into jail on foursquare
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
