I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
