He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
