Barsexuality is the new black.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
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Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
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I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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