On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
