Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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