I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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