just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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