i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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