thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
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