Farmville is her only friend.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
