he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
