I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You brought string cheese to the strip club
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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