we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
