So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
