When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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