my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
