You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
