My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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