Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
