How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
