would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
