i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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