Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
