First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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