Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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