there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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