I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
