I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
