It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
