dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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