My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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