so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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