You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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