Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
