we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
