Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
