You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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