She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Randomize
