the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
