Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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