maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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