Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
