New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize