I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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