hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
