he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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