sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
